Dearest Agony Aunt,
I don’t get soccer. I just don’t get it. As a soccer mom, I tried to watch the game and learn the rules and show enthusiasm but the reality is that I have never understood why people get excited. Not to mention what the bloody “off side” rule is. Everyone seems to know and no matter how many times my son explains it to me, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Please help me understand the rules of the game, the rules of the politics and small talk, and tell me how am I going to survive the next few weeks? Everyone else is counting down the days until the soccer begins and I’m wondering why I didn’t book a trip away for the WHOLE time.
You’re killing me here. Really, you are. I even found myself drifting off halfway through your email and wondering what was on TV tonight.
Firstly, I cannot believe that you are agonising about some arbitrary “off side” rule when there are so many other things you could be doing. Like looking it up on Google. And secondly, I have so much wisdom and insight to impart – and you choose to ask me about sport.