Gilbert Chesterhorn once wrote that even the poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. What exactly is it that has us drenching our pizzas in mozzarella, stuffing our sandwiches with emmental and loading our platters with brie? Well, there is a scientific explanation which delves into casomorphins, protein fragments derived from blah blah blah and blue cheese melted over freshly-picked figs dressed with wild honey and almond flakes – yes, even the self-proclaimed food critic slobbers all over the keyboard sometimes.
Regardless, if an actual addiction to cheese exists we always have the Gourmet Cheese in Linden to satisfy our needs. Situated across the road from Linden Primary School, this delicatessen stocks and sells some of the best cheeses in the country – according to the South Africa Cheese Committee (which is pretty much a collection of old ladies who take advantage of early bird specials and cheese-baked scones – who can blame them?). The deli also boasts an eatery called the Cheese Café. The majority of items on the menu feature cheese(s) and this is the reason why we are here: to satisfy our addiction to casomorphins, or whatever.
Gourmet Cheese has been called a Linden landmark and duly so as their food is probably the reason why brunch is so popular in this suburb. Items which stand out include scones served with fresh cream, jam and cheddar, and something they call the Cheeza Threats – a tangy cheese sauce covering spicy chorizo sausage, artichokes and sliced olives on rye.
But don’t worry about abandoning your diet when you walk through the door – there are Banting options available to those on the bandwagon. There is something on the menu for everyone, from salmon scramble and haloumi wraps to everything in between – to boot they sell amazing cheese platters. According to many locals, Gourmet Cheese serves some of the best cheese cake in the town, too. Cheese cake include baked cheese cake and, wait for it, baklava cheese cake… who in their right mind could turn that down!?
Do yourself a favour and head over there with your credit card and max it out on whatever cheese you can lay your hands on.
By Shawn Greyling