Planning for the end of the world

Planning for the end of the world

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If the Mayan calendar is correct and the world really does end on December 21st 2012 then none of us need worry too much about a number of things. We certainly don’t have to worry about Julius Malema becoming president in 2014 and that has to be good news. We don’t have to worry too much about saving for retirement either because we’ve only got just under three years of life as we know it to go. Personally this is a huge weight off my shoulders because I’m going to hit my 60th birthday a few weeks before the scheduled end of the world and now I can have a tremendous thrash for all my mates instead of buying retirement annuities and worrying whether I’ll have to forage in rubbish bins for food by the time I’m 70.

If you were thinking of buying a new car then my suggestion is to buy one now but ask for a price reduction because you only want a three year warranty. Since there’s no point in saving your money you may as well splurge and buy yourself something really fancy. A Porsche Panamera or a Maserati Quattroporte would look great in your garage. And talking about spending, my advice is to load up with good French bubbly to celebrate Armageddon in style. I’m assuming here that this is going to be a major event with apocalyptic horsemen, celestial trumpets and lots of fireworks. The Mayans seem a bit vague about the end but maybe it’s lost in translation….my Mayan is a bit rusty. I suppose it is possible that we’ll all wake up on the 22nd to a nothingness. No big explosion but just a vast void with no sounds, smells or clues to where we are. That will be highly inconvenient because the world ends on a Friday, at the end of a working week. Which means that you won’t be teeing off or visiting the shopping mall on Saturday because Saturday won’t exist. If you’ve been destroyed in the final conflagration that’s not a problem but if you’re trapped in nothingness on the morning of the 22nd December your memory will remind you that you should be doing the last of the Christmas shopping and you’ll become panicky. Who knows how long the nothingness will last? Probably until someone invents a new calendar and builds a shopping mall.

Personally I’m all for the big Pink Floyd concert explosion ending because at least that’s final and makes it much easier to plan. The first thing you should be doing is maxing your credit card now and rolling the debt for the next 33 months because you’re never going to have to pay off the capital. This will also have the effect of boosting the South African economy so you can go out with a smug feeling that you finally did something good. Don’t even think of paying your municipal bill for November 2012 because by the time they get around to cutting you off it will be too late. The same goes for accumulated traffic fines. Forget them. In fact, the more payments you default on in the three months run up to December 2012 the better.

Of course, there is the possibility that the Mayans have got it wrong and that the world won’t end on December 21st 2010. But that thought doesn’t seem to have occurred to the free spending members of the ANC.

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